Last week my group and I were writing persuasive texts about whales in captivity. I learned that Orcas are dolphins and that whales wack their heads on the tank walls when they get captured and they pass away.
Hi Kuini, I congratulate you on your independently researched and written argument. You have used emotive language by appealing to the reader. Making me, as your reader, imagine it were me. Well done. You cited your source and your paragraphs are well formed. To improve you could include lead sentences that clearly state your main ideas. For example, 'One reason I am strongly against whales in captivity is they are endangered and captivity is making it worse.
Hi Kuini, I congratulate you on your independently researched and written argument. You have used emotive language by appealing to the reader. Making me, as your reader, imagine it were me. Well done. You cited your source and your paragraphs are well formed. To improve you could include lead sentences that clearly state your main ideas. For example, 'One reason I am strongly against whales in captivity is they are endangered and captivity is making it worse.
ReplyDeleteWhaea lana, I have put it in the second paragraph,My improvement.
DeleteOk Whaea Lana I will get it done now.
ReplyDelete