Hi Kuini, I really enjoyed reading this. I admire your effort with adding figurative and descriptive language and experimenting with semi-colon and dash. It captures the readers attention. Another thing to keep in mind, and I suggest you make these edits to see how it reads, is to re-order some of your sentences. For example, the Oh no, I whispered nervously after the children pile into the room. The Splat! then 'She threw a spoonful of food into... An sp for inspect
Hi Kuini, I really enjoyed reading this. I admire your effort with adding figurative and descriptive language and experimenting with semi-colon and dash. It captures the readers attention. Another thing to keep in mind, and I suggest you make these edits to see how it reads, is to re-order some of your sentences. For example, the Oh no, I whispered nervously after the children pile into the room. The Splat! then 'She threw a spoonful of food into... An sp for inspect
ReplyDeleteThank you Whaea Lana I'm glad you enjoyed my writing. I will work on re-ordering my sentnces.
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